My wife is a pirate...

I went to Las Vegas this week for business. I, of course, had to stop by Treasure Island and see the pirate ships. On the high seas I would be a fearsome pirate. Take all you can and give nothing back!

I have since realized that my wife would be a far better pirate than I. Yes, laddie, she may lack rum drinking skills, or any desire to rape, pillage, plunder, or otherwise pilfer her weasley black guts out, but she at heart is a pirate.

Below is 5 reasons she is a fantastic pirate:

5. Many people are under the assumption that pirates only love the sea. This is an incorrect assumption. Pirates equally love deserted islands where they can hid their treasure, make booby traps, and have bonfires with rum. These three don't do well on board ship, especially the bonfires. Pirates have to be equally loving of land. My wife has demonstrated this over and over as we go to Seaside, the mountainous regions of the inland, and the tropics of Saint Diego. She loves to camp, see the sites, be by water, and hoards the money (she won't let me spend it).

4. She is tall and sexy. When's the last time a famous pirate was short and squatty?

3. She is a master shipbuilder and can build a tight fort which cloakes the treasure, and is light free.

2. She understands the value of healthy food. Unless someone poisons the apples, the crew gets scurvy, the water goes bad, the rats eat all the cheese, the bread gets moldy, the crew gets lice, the cabin boy gets seasick, there is a mutiny, cannibals eat the first mate, we get attacked by a coalition of pirates because no one pirate ship is capable of defeating us and the British can't hack it, especially since the Interceptor is no more, the ship burns, the cannons rust over, the powder gets wet, bootstrap, the treasure map ink smears, or a host of other problems then a pirate's life is for her.

and

1. To be a great pirate she would have to be married to a great pirate and together, the dread Chapman pirates make a heck of a team.