My wife is a pirate...

I went to Las Vegas this week for business. I, of course, had to stop by Treasure Island and see the pirate ships. On the high seas I would be a fearsome pirate. Take all you can and give nothing back!

I have since realized that my wife would be a far better pirate than I. Yes, laddie, she may lack rum drinking skills, or any desire to rape, pillage, plunder, or otherwise pilfer her weasley black guts out, but she at heart is a pirate.

Below is 5 reasons she is a fantastic pirate:

5. Many people are under the assumption that pirates only love the sea. This is an incorrect assumption. Pirates equally love deserted islands where they can hid their treasure, make booby traps, and have bonfires with rum. These three don't do well on board ship, especially the bonfires. Pirates have to be equally loving of land. My wife has demonstrated this over and over as we go to Seaside, the mountainous regions of the inland, and the tropics of Saint Diego. She loves to camp, see the sites, be by water, and hoards the money (she won't let me spend it).

4. She is tall and sexy. When's the last time a famous pirate was short and squatty?

3. She is a master shipbuilder and can build a tight fort which cloakes the treasure, and is light free.

2. She understands the value of healthy food. Unless someone poisons the apples, the crew gets scurvy, the water goes bad, the rats eat all the cheese, the bread gets moldy, the crew gets lice, the cabin boy gets seasick, there is a mutiny, cannibals eat the first mate, we get attacked by a coalition of pirates because no one pirate ship is capable of defeating us and the British can't hack it, especially since the Interceptor is no more, the ship burns, the cannons rust over, the powder gets wet, bootstrap, the treasure map ink smears, or a host of other problems then a pirate's life is for her.

and

1. To be a great pirate she would have to be married to a great pirate and together, the dread Chapman pirates make a heck of a team.

Baby Amazement

Kim is now 16 weeks pregnant and getting over morning sickness. The first 8 weeks were great. Weeks 9-14 a different story. I now know what perdition is. To put it a little more practical, it was like wanted cereal and having no milk, or being on the pot and finding a shred of white on a recycled brown tube that you know would only serve physical pain above the mental pain....add that to nobody being home and you are quite helpless. You really only have two options and both involve grossness I can't endure. So, you sit there, legs becoming 1000 pounds a piece and you resolve to have a pink ring tattooed on your buttocks.....

I have felt worthless and have been frustrated by not being able to help Kim. Here discomfort has been the cancer of most women's pregnancies. But with Kim it was different. You have to eat to not be sick and Kim is too "empty calories" to want to eat snacks or junk all day. So, she tried carrots of all things and of course, regurgitated them in the stairway at Intermountain. If only she was a parent bird--her skills would be almost complete.

Now things are much better. Kim now is finally admitting to herself that she is showing a little baby belly. It is still little but I love it. She isn't sick anymore and seems to be getting more and more excited about a little one running around. Well, crying, eating, and pooping at first, which she should be used to from weeks 9-14.

I am so excited. We heard the heart beat a month ago and I haven't been that giddy since...it was very cool. Next week we get to hear the heart again and a month later I get to find out if I get a little girl or not...I want a girl to spoil.